Monday, October 13, 2014

Alex Day and The "Past"

I posted an open letter to Alex Day yesterday. Today, I'd like to talk to everyone else.

First, you should know I'm not linking to the video. It's monetized, and I don't want to support that bullshit. I recommend you check out a transcript instead (original version via nerdswillwin, plain text version).

I have very little to say about it that wasn't already covered by neafcy in better detail and in a nicer way than I would be able to muster:


Despite having little of substance to add, if you would like to see my live comments (which I typed into Notepad as the video was running), I have included it under the fold, with only minor edits for style and clarity.

Warning: Capslocked stream-of-consciousness rant to follow.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Dear Alex Day

I want you to know, first, that I believe you. I don't think you're intentionally trying to deceive or manipulate. I watched your video with good faith, and I hope you read this in good faith.

You said in your video that you can't find any "objective morality," and I have no desire to argue philosophy with you. However, if you do have any moral obligation in this situation, your moral obligation is to the people you hurt.

I think you agree with me there, because you sound like you regret that you caused other people pain. And I believe you when you say that you don't want to hurt anyone else. Specifically, you say that your goal is to never pressure someone into sex (or sexual things) again, and again, I believe you. But I think you still have a lot of things to learn if you want to achieve this goal.

For example, you said that you don't understand what you could have done to make girls feel pressured into sex with you. That is a Really Big Thing you need to learn, if you really want to make sure you never pressure someone into sex in the future - and a really basic thing.* If you can't recognize it, how will you make sure it never happens again?

If you want to learn how to avoid hurting people, the best way to do it is to listen to the women and girls who have been through it. Don't dismiss what your critics say as angry Tumblr rants or endless complaining. Those people are sharing something with you. You could learn a lot from listening to them.

You say you want to help the community move forward in a productive way, and I believe you. But, given that you are still learning how to avoid hurting people, you are not a person who should be guiding the community right now. I'm not saying you should shut up and go away; I'm saying that when you rebuild you should start at the bottom, not the top. Reconnecting to the community is more important than reclaiming a place at the center of that community.

You say that internet celebrity doesn't mean much to you. If that's the case, it shouldn't be hard to listen and learn, instead of trying to lead. If you're willing to center the experiences of people who've been pressured into sex, and decenter your own interests, it will go a long way towards rebuilding the community's trust in you.


Hopefully,

Muse



*There are a lot of internet resources that can help you with building a personal system of strong affirmative consent. A relevant selection:

  • How to avoid making people feel uncomfortable / tell when you have made someone uncomfortable / stop making people feel uncomfortable - John Scalzi
  • How to build good habits around enthusiastic consent in all things - Cliff Pervocracy
  • How to talk about consent without sounding like a robot lawyer - Cliff Pervocracy
  • An example of how not to be (TW) - Captain Awkward
  • Another example of how not to be (TW) - Captain Awkward

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Anita Sarkeesian on misogynist harassment

Anita is one of my personal heroes, still speaking out about the organized harassment campaign against her, despite... the organized harassment campaign against her.


I believe women when they tell me what happens to them. 

I spose it helps that I see women as people.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Girls like wedding dresses, right?

This ad was made by a bunch of white dads. I can feel it in my bones:


Really?

This is how you try to connect with young female voters?

Really?

Based on that commercial, if Rick Scott really was a wedding dress, he'd look more like this:


Saturday, September 13, 2014

Dawkins jumps the shark

TW: Rape apologia, particularly rape-by-intoxication

This post has been edited to add context and an additional screenshot.

Below the cut is a screenshot of some reprehensible shit that Dawkins said today on Twitter, saved for posterity in case he deletes them:

Monday, June 23, 2014

3 Overly Defensive Reactions To 'Check Your Privilege'

Cracked just published a piece by Gladstone called 3 Ways 'Checking Your Privilege' Never Fixed Anything. While Gladstone claims that "this is NOT an article about poor white men feeling like they're under attack"... it reads exactly like an article written by a white dude feeling like he's under attack.

It's pretty obvious that someone told him to check his privilege, and it's equally obvious that it didn't go down very well. (Gladstone has a minor track record of turning "an argument I had with one person" into "EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET IS WRONG".)

Because Gladstone says he'd like to encourage people to share information, out of the kindness of my heart I will gladly explain, point-by-point, why the problem is not with the concept of "checking privilege," but instead with the way people respond to being told to check their privilege. And by "people" I mean "Gladstone".


“Check your privilege” makes assumptions… but nice ones. 

“OK, let's say you're arguing over one of the many things people love to fight about and your adversary has expressed an opinion directly opposite to what you believe to be true.”
Like something racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, or some other dehumanizing bullshit?

Dude, that’s not shit we like to fight about.

The phrase “check your privilege” is only ever brought out when someone thinks you’re not just wrong, but that you’re actively being an asshole. Or at least that you did or said something that makes you seem like an asshole, to someone who has seen a lot of assholery over the course of their life.
“What does 'check your privilege' say? It says you believe the root of the disagreement is your adversary's background. He or she feels this way because they're white, because they're straight, because they're rich.”
And that’s a really nice assumption to make.

Step back a second and think about it. There’s two big reasons why people sound like bigoted assholes. The main reason, of course, is that they are bigoted assholes. They’ve carefully studied the issue and made the conscious decision that the minority group under discussion is, in fact, a lesser tier of human being. And we can all agree that those people suck.


You know who you are, and you suck so much.

On the other hand, some people who sound like bigoted assholes are more or less doing it accidentally. They’re not really thinking about what they’re saying, and they haven’t considered that it might be hurtful. Maybe they’ve never really talked to anyone that’s been bothered by it before. They’re lucky enough – one might even say privileged enough – to never be personally affected by that sort of bigotry, to the point that they might not even notice that it’s bigotry.

That’s the assumption behind “check your privilege”. Given that you already engaged in some fuckery (from their perspective), they're assuming that you’re being the oblivious sort of asshole instead of deliberately choosing to be an asshole.

“Check your privilege” is cynical… if you don’t understand how empathy works.

“Now you've pointed out he grew up richer, straighter, whiter than you? And?”
In the best case scenario, he reflects on what it would be like to experience things from a different viewpoint, giving him a new perspective on why that thing he said might have sounded assholish.

Or pretty much exactly what you said here:
"Ideally, the 'check your privilege' movement is about encouraging others to understand how their own backgrounds might blind them to larger issues…”
YES! EXACTLY!
“…but I see no evidence of that.”
Ugh.

Okay. And some creationists can honestly say that they see no evidence of evolution. It might be true that you, personally, have seen no evidence, but in that case you need to look a little bit harder. What do you think “check your privilege” means, if not “use your empathy to think about how you sound to someone who’s not you”?
“You're not like me, and therefore you're incapable of empathy."


If we thought you were incapable of empathy, no one would bother talking to you. Instead we’d either ignore you entirely, or at the most we’d keep a wary eye on you from a safe distance. No one tries to argue with Stormfront.

It’s true that “check your privilege” points out that you aren’t currently using your empathy. But the good-guy response to that is to start using your empathy. If instead you whinge about how cynical it is to point out your lack of empathy… that does not actually make you sound very empathetic.

“Who would want to overlook our common humanity?”

Stormfront, for one.
These fuckers.

It’s not the people asking you to check your privilege who are overlooking our common humanity. It’s the people who spout intolerant bullshit who fail to see their targets as fully human. “Check your privilege” is a reminder to see other people as fully human despite the differences between you – specifically, to treat other people’s experiences as if they were just as valid as your own. (Because they are.)


“Check your privilege” ends conversations… if you’re willfully ignorant.

“I've had friends explain that to me -- "check your privilege" is only trying to start a dialogue. That's almost the equivalent of saying that "check my cock for your wife's lipstick" would start a dialogue about the state of one's marriage. The phrase is insulting.”
Even leaving aside the whole “fucking your wife as a personal insult” thing (that’s what Fetlife is for), Gladstone thinks being told to consider a thing from a different perspective is a grave insult.

… That explains a lot, actually.


“[‘Check your privilege’ is] a shortcut allowing you to dismiss the opposing views of your adversary. It does absolutely nothing to illuminate.”
Only if you actually ignore what the imperative statement “check your privilege” actually means. If I wanted to tell you you’re wrong and leave it at that, I’d say “you’re wrong” and then leave it at that. (I’m simple that way.)

Being told to check your privilege is literally receiving instructions on how to be less wrong. It's like being told to take a biology class during an argument about evolution. Even if you don't take their advice, you should know there’s a high probability that you fucked something up along the way.
"[I]f those behind 'check your privilege' really want to foster a better world of mutual respect and understanding, I'd encourage them to share information with those they view as their oppressors. Share and explain your identity instead of merely tearing down others."
This is better known as the If you don't teach me, how will I learn? argument, and better writers than me have dealt with this in much more eloquent ways. But the tl;dr is this: So now I'm responsible for teaching you how and why not to be an asshole? You want me, a person who has been through shitty things, to tell you, the person who has already said something that I found ignorant and shitty, about the most vulnerable parts of my life?
Believe you me, lots of us have tried leading that horse to the water, wasted eons of time trying to get that fucker to drink, and got a kick in the stomach for our troubles. And we've found through experience that the horses who are actually thirsty will get a damn drink themselves, if they know where the lake is. "Check your privilege" is us pointing towards the lake. Go and drink, or don't, but either way stop blaming us for your choices.

You can't learn anything new if you already think you know all the answers. If you really do want to respect and understand the perspectives of marginalized people, you can start by putting aside your preconceived ideas, suppressing your tendency to get defensive, and actually listening to what marginalized people have to say.

Or, in other words: check your privilege.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Because I'm Happy!

I love that Pharrell's song "Happy" has turned into a protest anthem.

While the most-commented-upon version is Tunisia's explosion of happiness - which has been criticized by conservative religious folk there as "moral decay" - there's also one that involves dancing street protests in Iran. My favorite so far is the one from Kiev, embedded below.


Right now I'm jamming out to 24 hours of Happy - which is exactly what it sounds like. It's gorgeous, and it makes me happy!

My steadfast support goes to all those around the globe who yearn for freedom, respect, safety, liberty, and/or basic human rights.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Depression

Today I woke up with depression, which is a fitting term since to me it feels like a cavity just behind my breastbone. It also feels like my limbs have been weighted down, almost like gravity has increased in strength.

It's days like this when it takes a serious energy expenditure to do basic life tasks like eating, showering, getting dressed. It's days like this when I am amazed at my favorite bloggers who somehow have such a bottomless well of energy that they manage to post every day.

It's days like this when I am profoundly grateful for my companion, who I can rely on to do nice things for me when I would otherwise be lying in bed with this hollow feeling eating me up.

I've had a lot of days like this, but it's especially craptastic right now because there's a lot of things I want to do - and I'm doing some of them, but I know that this depression is going to suck my motivation into it and I'm not going to get all of it done.

I'm not going to focus on that, though I could make a long list.
Instead I'm going to focus on what I have done.
I have...

  • Gotten up in the morning (11:30 AM! Woo!)
  • Eaten breakfast
  • Started two loads of laundry
  • Folded the towels and PJs that my roommates had left sitting in the dryer
  • Put away dishes from the dishwasher
  • Brought in the trash cans from the curb
  • Taken an armful of recycling out
  • Eaten lunch
Now I can also say I've written a blog post, though not the one I'd wanted to write. Even putting all that down makes my limbs feel a little more loose, as if the extra gravity is releasing its hold.

I am going to go finish up that laundry now, and perhaps when I come back I will get started on one of the other things.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special video review, n'at


Here's what Moffat said about Rose, which sums up why I'm ok that Rose was absent:
"I thought the story of Rose, which was beautiful, was done. I didn't want to add to it, I didn't feel qualified to add to it. That was always Russell's [T Davies] story. The way Russell ended it in The End of Time was perfect. I didn't want to stick another bit in. It would be wrong. But we did want Billie Piper, one of the absolute heroes of Doctor Who, back in the show without interfering in the story of Rose Tyler. I think I might of spoiled something if I had done that."
What Moffat said about the upcoming Christmas special:
"It's a proper finale to Matt Smith, it's the story we've been telling since he put the bow tie on. A lot of stuff we've left hanging, we tie up there. And it's Trenzalore!"
Soooo basically, take all my predictions and hold onto them for Christmas. Except also add in the hope that they'll place the 50th in there as well, in terms of continuity. Because CONTINUITY, DAMN IT.

More links:
Xmas episode teaser trailer
One reason I have hope for continuity in the Xmas episode (from the 50th)
More reasons I have hope for continuity in the Xmas episode